A Most Significant February

13 02 2016

staircase

I don’t even know where to start. This is the shortest month of the year and it’s not even over and it has been one for the books.

This has been quite the month – divorce final on the 3rd, confirmed my job will be ending this year on the 11th and very possibly selling  my house (for a loss) somewhere in the remaining 16 days.

At the same time, my mother is doing great after having had heart surgery, my dad is doing equally well, the kids are well and I have had terrific feedback with both comedy and my songwriting. Perhaps the internal forces that were waiting to finally be listened to could not be heard in light of the life that had to be left behind. It’s the yin and yang, the pleasure and pain, I guess.

There’s no grand plan to leave it all behind and start over – finally enter that creative universe that I long for. Two kids, college savings and a now badly dented retirement savings requires the practicalities of a “real job” and I am just grateful for those who may be able to help me in that capacity, as well.

What has surprised me, however, is just the wave of almost eery calm that seems to accompany what might be considered “bad news.” The fact is, for me, and I suppose many others, I am much better off with knowing than not knowing, even if the knowing is not good. The in-between stage of waiting, wondering, hoping, fearing, surmising and assuming is a purgatory that is not relegated for the faint of heart. At least with knowing, there can be action – or, in my case, more definitive action.

The same day that I learned about my work situation, I also viewed both my kids’ report cards – straight A’s with the exception of high Bs in honors math for both of them. They are doing amazingly – both academically and socially. I have nothing to complain about. I am convinced that, however difficult this period is for them (and for me), it is where we are all supposed to be in this journey. If I never receive a promotion, check off the items on the bucket list or “make it”, it is of no consequence because I am sure that my purpose in life was to make sure that these two kids were here at this time. I don’t know why….yet. But I am sure.

It makes me happy to finally get toward some resolution. By the summer, I will be in a new place with a new job (hopefully) and a new tax filing status. On a recent TED Talk podcast, the subject was about resiliency from people who had to exhibit tremendous fortitude – much greater than I had to. It was mentioned, as it often is, that we don’t really know what we are made of until we are put in situations that really test us. I agree with this fully. I also think that we don’t know why we are here sometimes until we are put in these situations. The truth is that the steps that continue to forward my path to wherever it is meant to go are the exact ones that I may never have ever followed were it not for some very, very tough times, decisions and truths.

I hope that we all have the resiliency we need to call upon the strongest parts of our being when we are called to do so and that we are supported along the way.

Until next time,

Marc





Where Should I Live?

21 10 2015
It's hard to remove but it can be done!

It’s hard to remove but it can be done!

My house is for sale. There’s not much progress on this front and nor do I expect there to be at this time of the year. I am anxious for it to sell for many reasons, including the opportunity to reside somewhere that feels unknown to me and have something that feels new to me without a memory captured within every corner and around every bend.

I have to stay in the same town because I do not want my kids to have to move schools especially since they have good friends here and feel comfortable where they are. It’s temporary for me, though. I have lived here a while and in 5 short years, when my youngest is deciding on where she is going to go to college, I am going to be deciding where I should live.

I hope that I have the means to choose. The way things seem to be going, it’s tough right now. However, I do feel like this is a temporary situation and once I get over the hump, it won’t take long to build things back up again in many different capacities. My plan has been to move closer to NYC, if not in NYC. For those who know me, this makes a lot of sense and there’s not much explaining needed.

I am realizing, though, that wherever I live, just as wherever I work, the people who I am surrounded by are the most critical factor. I have always said that I could have a job making widgets and I could find happiness as long as I am working with some good, decent people. I can have the “job of my dreams” and not have one person around me with whom I trust, and I would be miserable. I have been in both of these situations at least once in my life. 

The same goes for my living situation. I live in a town that, while it has a lot going for it, it is not the exact type of community I think I can thrive in. For a long time, I assumed that an urban environment was the only place that I could really get that type of experience. In speaking with people and visiting other towns, I know that to not be true, (though I really still want a place in the city and a place near the ocean if I had my druthers – whatever druthers are!).

I do know that simply physically moving oneself to new friends, new jobs, new locations does not change a damn thing – not in the long run. You always bring yourself with you. Whether you decide to get up in the morning and start fresh or dwell in the past has nothing to do with where you move to, but does have everything to do with how you live.

It reminds me of that Crowded House song from the 80’s – “Weather with You”; (there I go again with my 80s music references – I really need help):

“Well, do I lie like a loungeroom lizard

 Or do I sing like a bird released?

 Everywhere you go, always take the weather with you”.

I still want to move but wherever I do, I want to make sure the emphasis is on where I “live”, not just where I “move”.

Until next time,

Marc

Thanks for reading. Please consider signing up of my blog right on this site and check me out on Twitter @marckaye1. 








%d bloggers like this: